Let go...

I've been filled with a lot of pent-up frustration. Like a lot. Mostly at myself... but,really, sometimes I don't even know what I'm feeling. Just very discontent and restless. And, worried. Very worried.

And, I hate being a worrier. It gives you wrinkles, turns your hair gray or makes it fall out, and you could get an ulcer... Nothing good ever comes out of worrying.

I know I've posted it before, but, I love it:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

Matthew 6:25-27 (NIV)

Conviction. Aye, yi, yi.

"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."

Psalm 55:22 (NIV)

Oy.  

It's like I know these things in the back of my head. Somewhere shoved in the dark corner of my brain I've shoved the knowledge of these verses and buried them in a hole... And, this evil, controlling, scary, selfish person takes over and completely warps my brain into thinking I need to have every situation be a certain way... and I need to say this and do that and blah, blah, blah... craziness. No wonder I'm about ready to burst wide open with anxiety.

I need to calm down. Ever since little B was born I've been a worrying, anxious freak. This is what mother-hood does to you. It turns you into this scary worry-wort. I have no idea how my mom had 4 of us under 4 at one time. I'm just thankful she didn't kill one of us. ;)

Ok, all jokes aside, I need some prayer as I'm working out this little "early-life crisis" (yes, I'm waaaaaay to young for a "mid" life crisis). I know God has a plan for me. A path for me to go down (and I'm praying every day that it includes a new job)... so, I need to chill out, and let God handle it. 

Which is an amazing feeling when you actually let yourself go to God. It's a terrifying feeling, but it is amazing.